Teenagers Need Both Command And Responsibility

In a previous letter, we discussed the concepts of control and accountability. Let’s delve a little deeper into these vital concepts.

If you ever discover that someone’s behavior is “driving you crazy,” please consider the possibility that you have control issues. Did you know that you can attempt to exert control over another person without even being aware of it? It is highly probable. In fact, this is a prevalent dynamic in drug- and alcohol-abusing relationships. However, this dynamic is frequently observed in other relationships. It is something you must know and comprehend in order to avoid poor relationships and enhance your ability to form good ones.

Does it bother you to hear someone spread rumors? Does it bother you when a person behaves superiorly to others or is impolite? These things can be irritating, but if you remain irritated longer than the majority of people, you may have control issues.

When you are irritated by another person’s behavior, it is typically because they are not acting as you believe they should. You may be aware of what the individual is doing incorrectly and what they should or should not do. You may recognize that the individual’s behavior is detrimental. If they just followed your advice, they would be much better off. You want to aid this person, and their refusal to listen drives you insane.

Keep in mind that you cannot control another individual. You can make suggestions, but you cannot force someone to behave the way you believe they should. In reality, you can only influence your own behavior.

You may feel culpable for the other person’s actions, which may contribute to your discomfort. You may feel humiliated, as if you were responsible for the behavior. Consider the following: If you cannot control the behavior of another person, how can you be responsible for that behavior? You are not accountable. You are solely accountable for your own actions. You only have control over your own actions. Remember that if another person chooses to gossip, be rude, or misuse drugs or alcohol, you are not responsible for their actions. You cannot compel them to cease, as you have no control over them.

What are your responsibilities, and what can you control? Only your own behavior is within your control and solely your responsibility. So, what can you do in such circumstances?

First, it is beneficial to evaluate the situation in terms of control and accountability. Are you upset? Is your anger attributable to another person’s actions? Were you in charge of your actions? Were you accountable for that conduct? If not, then release this burden. Put the burden off your shoulders and experience the relief! Always clarify what you have control over and what you do not, as well as what you can and cannot do.

Now that you have a clear head, consider what you can control and what you are accountable for. That would be your own conduct. You can now cease focusing on what the other person is doing and concentrate on what you can do. This relieves you of a burden and is significantly more productive. You may choose to engage the individual in conversation and inform them that what you heard sounded rude or arrogant. They may heed you and alter their behavior, or they may choose to disregard you. In either case, you have deliberated and decided to act rather than react. You are accountable for your behavior, and you have acted responsibly. Everyone is accountable for their own conduct.

What about the individual who feels remorse for having “made” someone angry? Does it bother you when someone gets angry? I believe that many individuals would experience emotion. However, each individual determines his or her response to a given circumstance. Sometimes they give it some thought before acting, and sometimes they simply react.

Did you know that I cannot be angry? Do not misunderstand; I may become furious, but it will be my decision. I am accountable for my wrath. Before you beam too broadly, know that you are not free of responsibility. You are culpable for the behavior to which I am reacting, but not for my anger. Clearly, I have options. I can either become furious and ground you or maintain my composure and ground you. This is not a very effective illustration, is it?

In addition to being accountable for our own actions, we are also responsible for our own reactions and emotions [with the exception of those who suffer from mental illness or a chemical imbalance that affects their emotions].

Have you ever encountered someone who is quick to anger? People in this person’s vicinity frequently bend over backwards and tread on eggshells to prevent this person from becoming furious. There are multiple events occurring here. First, the people around this individual are attempting to exert control over another individual. Do you see it? They believe that this individual should not become furious. They are attempting to exert emotional control over this individual by doing whatever it takes to prevent the individual from becoming enraged. The issue is that all of this effort wears these individuals down, and they are despondent. It is frustrating because they are attempting to control another individual, which is impossible.

Second, these individuals feel responsible for the emotions of others. The more a person’s wrath leads to inappropriate behavior, the more embarrassed others become.

Finally, these individuals reinforce this individual’s inappropriate wrath. All that is required is for the individual to become furious, and everyone scrambles to appease him or her.

Although it might be amusing, I am not suggesting that you intentionally make the individual angry in these situations. I just want you to be aware of the dynamic and avoid attempting to exert control over another person.

I trust this does not cause any confusion. This information is provided in an effort to avoid confusion. I also want you to be aware of this dynamic and refrain from attempting to control another person or taking responsibility for their actions. Understanding the principles of accountability and management will serve you well throughout your life.